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The Earth Martian

By Victor Schwartzman
October 12, 2015

Mark Watney had multiple physical challenges. The morning after the federal election he woke to find he had been deserted, just as if he had been an astronaut abandoned on Mars. However, Mark had not been deserted by his crew on a distant planet. He was on Earth and had been deserted by his society. This is because a person with disabilities in Canada can often feel like an abandoned astronaut on Mars, left alone to survive.

The Passport of Dorian Gray

By Victor Schwartzman
October 5, 2015

Be warned! This tale is creepy. If you have a delicate heart or are easily frightened, stop reading now. Of course, if you are easily frightened avoid reading anything on the election.

MP Dorian Gray is running to keep his seat in the current federal election. A few weeks before the campaign began, the federal Government issued to Dorian and everyone else in Canada the most technologically advanced passport in the world. Dorian liked his new passport, especially the new photograph of him and how handsome he looked.

How Universal Access Law Stopped The Borg And Saved The Universe

By Victor Schwartzman
September 28, 2015

The starship Enterprise settled into orbit around Altair 4. Captain
Jean-Luc Picard relaxed, sitting in his command chair, sipping Earl Grey
tea. Checking on a distant planet’s progress was routine. For once, all
would be easy.

“Captain, there is a problem.” Commander Data, sitting at the scanning
console, told him, “This planet is .confused.”

“Confused?” Commander Riker asked, walking over. “That doesn’t make sense.”

The Zombie Election

By Victor Schwartzman
September 21, 2015

It lumbers towards us, dead yet somehow alive: the Zombie Election. Don’t let it get too close. The Zombie Election will eat your brains!

As of this writing, we are halfway through one of the longest federal election campaigns in Canadian history. Why is a Zombie Election threatening us? Because this campaign is long enough to turn anyone into a zombie. Unfortunately, politicians are unusually susceptible to the zombie virus, they succumbed as the election began, and the result is a Zombie Election. (A Zombie Election Campaign has begun in the U.S., which will have its own Zombie Election next year.)

Raymond Burr Explains Canadians with Disabilities Act

By Raymond Burr, with the help of Victor Schwartzman

Although I passed away in 1993, we all live forever on the internet. Recently I was contacted by the political parties in the current Canadian federal election. They contacted me because I was a Canadian, an actor, and had acted the part of a person with a disability. They therefore thought I would be the best person to ask about a Canadians with Disabilities Act.

The Three Access Worlds of Gulliver

By Victor Schwartzman
September 7, 2015

Creating a Canadians with Disabilities Act (CDA) is a great idea because it would mean a FEDERAL access law with TEETH. Currently we are in the middle of a federal election campaign. Millions of voters have a disability and need an effective access law. You’d think the Parties would be lining up to announce their versions of a CDA! Think again. None of the Leaders will fully commit to a CDA. But those Leaders would change their minds if they knew the remarkable story of Gulliver.

The Election Campaign’s Fantastic Voyage

By Victor Schwartzman
August 31, 2015

Dr. Cora Petersen here, neurosurgeon with a specialty in miniaturization. Routine exploratory surgery can be dangerous to the patient and still tell you nothing. At times, you must see the patient from the inside, on a cellular level. That is what I and my team do.

Miniaturized in our submarine, the Proteus, we take a fantastic voyage inside patients. We are injected into them and have one hour to do our work. After that, we and our submarine automatically return to normal size.

AODA: A Dog’s Breakfast!

By Victor Schwartzman
August 24, 2015

The federal election is nearly a month over and none of the Leadership candidates have said anything about access legislation or any disability-related issue. Despite there being plenty of Canadians who have disabilities, none of the political parties think it important or relevant to discuss limited incomes and opportunities, or which access laws work and which don’t.

The Wall Of Unknowledge

By Victor Schwartzman
August 17, 2015

Inextricably related to the federal election is the Mike Duffy trial. Duffy has been charged with 31 counts of fraud and bribery related to his activities as a Senator, specifically charges he made to his Senate expense account. You know about that trial–but have you have heard about the OTHER trial?

OTHER trial? Yes, the trial which revealed the inner workings of the Government, including the Wall of Unknowledge.

Accessing The Election

By Victor Schwartzman
August 10, 2015

The Canadian federal election is on! I watched the debate between the Leaders of the four main national parties. It was two hours and they never stopped talking. Yet the words “access” and “disability” never passed their lips.

Election Campaign Coverage Begins!

Election Campaign Coverage Begins!
By Victor Schwartzman

The Canadian federal election campaign has begun. To cover it, we invited the best people we could think of: Pollyanna and Franz Kafka.

Pollyanna: Golly gee everyone! A federal election! It will be one of the very longest ever! And every vote will count!

Franz: Hopefully every vote will be counted. And hopefully voters will not receive phone calls telling them to vote in the wrong place.

The Restaurant, The Cockroach And The Gangster

By Victor Schwartzman
July 27, 2015

Deconstruction class for today has begun.

Signs Restaurant, Gregor the Cockroach and Tony Soprano. What do they share in common? Implementation of the AODA access legislation! (I never guessed that! Did you? But that is why deconstruction is so useful!)

Signs Restaurant opened in Toronto in July, 2014. Described by the Toronto Star as “deaf friendly,” it is Canada’s first restaurant mostly staffed by deaf servers. It tries to be accessible to any client and wanted a ramp to allow complete access, but after months of negotiation was unable to get a permit. Why? Because a ramp would block part of the sidewalk.

Ontario Government Announces AODA World!

By Victor Schwartzman
July 22, 2015

Hugh Adami, a columnist for the Ottawa Citizen, recently wrote that Stephane Parisien wanted to enter a “Service Ontario franchise on St Joseph Blvd in Orleans and saw it didn’t have an automatic door for access by the disabled.

Stephane Parisien got an apology from the Ontario government, but the disabled man who uses a wheelchair hopes it wasn’t just lip service.”

Top Ten Ontario Government Nonpromises To People Using Walkers

By Victor Schwartzman
July 15, 2015

Mary Penner needs a walker when she goes out, and she was going out to the Pan Am Games, which as everyone has been told has completely accessible stadiums. She had a pricey ticket in the single accessible section of an accessible stadium. Ms. Penner assumed, as would anyone, that she would enjoy her time at the Games.

Access Austerity Referendum in Ontario

By Victor Schwartzman
June 6, 2015

Starting shortly, athletes from all over North, South and Central America WERE planning on converging on Toronto for the PanAm summer games, including Paralympic athletes. However, while the Games facilities are accessible, virtually nothing else has changed in Toronto.

Money allocated for access has not been spent. Less than half of Toronto’s subway stations are accessible, and only a mere seven of its 200 street cars can be boarded by someone using a manual wheelchair.