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Pollyanna’s Ontario Election Wrap-up

By Pollyanna, as told to Victor Schwartzman
June 13, 2014

People worry so much. They should play the Glad Game. That’s where you find something to be glad about in ANY situation. Even if it’s horrible. For example, the Ontario election and access law. Everything worked out fine! (Ouch! Why do I feel I am straining something?) I always knew we would get a great new government that would implement AODA. (Ow!)

I always play the Glad Game. It is important to find something to be glad about. You always have to be positive. (Ouch! Ow!)

For example, when Aunt Polly punished me by giving me dinners of bread and milk, I played the Glad Game. I told her it was fabulously fine to eat only that because I love bread and milk! I even played the Glad Game when Children’s Services apprehended me because of the abuse: I met new people, and when Aunt Polly is released she can start a whole new life.

Isn’t that a lot to be glad about?

Many people concerned about access law and human rights were worried before the Ontario election. They hoped the election would mean AODA would be implemented by a new government, even though it was the same parties running who had a history of ignoring AODA (Ow!)

Pollsters and pundits narrowed the election down to either the Liberals or Conservatives forming a slim majority government, or the Liberals or Conservatives forming a slim minority government. Neither happened.

Nobody predicted the election result, which was a big Liberal majority government. They have twice as many seats as the Tories. Tim Hudak immediately resigned.

The NDP? Golly! It must be playing the Glad Game! It no longer has any power, no minority government to prop up–and it badly damaged its base supporters, who thought the NDP was left wing.

The election surprised everyone. There are a lot of confused faces all over Ontario. But there is no need to be sad! Cheer up! Play the Glad Game with me about the Ontario election! Let’s be positive! (Ouch! Ow!)

What is there to be glad about from the 2014 Ontario election?

FIRST. The campaign did not confuse anyone with actual issues, like not implementing access legislation. The Tories complained about what the Liberals had done in the past, the Liberals complained about what the Tories would do in the future, and the NDP complained. The only ones who seemed to worry about the issues were the voters themselves.

SECOND. We now do not have to worry about a confusing new government and what it will do about AODA and implementing access law. We know exactly what this new government will be like just like the minority government, only more so because it has a big majority. Isn’t it nice to know that what we have dealt with is what we will still be dealing with? I’m glad (Ow!)

The election result was just like a Hollywood sequel, where you do not have to worry about figuring out new characters or a new plot. Another thing to be glad about is that for the next sequel, in four years, maybe the writing will be better!

THIRD. People who need access law implemented can look forward to filling their spare time! (Ouch!) The party now in power is the same party which created AODA and then refused to implement it. We can expect the Liberals to continue to ignore AODA. That is something to be glad about. It will keep community advocates active and therefore healthy. They will continue to advocate with politicians, and although working with politicians causes dementia, nothing thwarts dementia more than keeping active! Some might call this a vicious circle, but I say if you run in circles it is still good exercise! (Ow!)

FOURTH. From an access perspective, the election campaign was a smoking pile of crap. The results are a streaming mound of dung. We are not back to square one. We’d be lucky to be at square one. We have been pushed back decades.

Gosh!

Who said that?

Not Pollyanna!!

I must focus! More yoga! This election is a tough one to be glad about! It will be easier to play the Glad Game after an hour of hot yoga, some meditation and definitely a lot more meds! The doctors told me to play the Glad Game after they started me on the meds, and doctors are always right! The Glad Game has worked for me ever since!

Next: AODA II: The Summer Access Law Blockbuster Movie

Victor Schwartzman contributes this weekly satiric column to Accessibility News nothing in these columns is true except what they are about. His graphic novel (where each chapter is one issue of a community newspaper) is serialized on the great Canadian lit site, http://www.redfez.net. He also contributes a monthly poetry review to http://www.targetaudiencemagazine.com He has had poetry and short fiction published, and has edited novels. His email is vschwartzman@gmail.com.