By Victor Schwartzman
January 18, 2014
Although some January weeks have already passed, it is still a brand new 2014. As we look towards the future, what better time to think of that great prognosticator, Nostradamus. What did he have to say about AODA?
Readers may recall a previous prediction from Nostradamus. However, Minister Eric Hoskins, who released the prediction, admitted it might not be authentic as he had received it when “someone” had slipped it under his door. The prediction also appear to be self-serving: that AODA would not be fully implemented until the Leafs win the Stanley Cup. No one believed it that the Leafs would ever win the Stanley Cup.
So if that was not a “real” prediction from Nostradamus, was there an actual prediction for the upcoming year? To find out for you, dear reader, I searched high and definitely low. Would I find useful predictions from 1555 about Ontario access law implementation in 2014? Was that too specific for Nostradamus?
Using the vast resources of the international conglomerates Accessibility News and the AODA Alliance, I researched libraries in never known corners of the world, which was not easy as by definition they were in never known corners. Those libraries we never did find.
But we did find other libraries and sources of previously unknown Nostradamus predictions, many of them on the internet. Eventually we discovered several predictions, written in 1554 and grouped by Nostradamus under one category: “Access Issues In The Land By The Great Lakes Across The Sea If The World Isn’t Flat.”
Here is the first:
In the centre of a nation, in the city of hogs
Visions from the air stream into homes
They sit for hours, access of cable is great
Nothing on other access, sorry about that
Ontario is certainly near the “lakes called great,” everyone knows that it is the centre of Canada and that Ontario’s capital is Hog Town. Don’t you have to hand it to that Nostradamus? Was he taking seer pills, or what? So far, great! In this one quatrain he also predicted live streaming of television over the internet.
Of course, given the accuracy in the rest of the prediction, that last line is a real downer.
Nothing new in access implementation for 2014? Could that possibly be? I kept digging because I was tireless, a dedicated journalist and because there has been absolutely nothing to write about since Dean Moran was appointed months ago and then disappeared.
And, there was indeed more:
Over steps and curbs and into guilds
In 2014 some still shall not go
Wynne will call an election
No change for AODA will there will be
This prediction, although arguably too vague to be certain, that in 2014 access and AODA implementation will not improve. Clearly, he predicts that employment opportunities will not improve for people who have disabilities, nor will physical access to streets and buildings. Nostradamus does not predict who will win the election, but apparently it does not matter.
And here is another prediction totally on point:
A review in the land by the lakes
Shall be presented in clear script
On AODA implementation problems
The Minister has a new paperweight
Here, Nostradamus predicts that the Independent Reviewer, Dean Mayo Moran, will complete her legislated review of progress in the implementation of AODA and provide her assessment. Sadly, Nostradamus’ prediction on how the report will be used is identical to how the Government used the previous report.
Those predictions seemed spot on. However, the last prediction took an ugly turn.
An author of the great lakes land yet not
Writes weekly of happenings with AODA
Each time he writes about nothing
Nor he will never win the 6/49
This felt personal.
For over half a year I have written columns about the Ontario Government doing nothing to implement AODA properly. Every week they did nothing, and that was all there was to write about. The prediction I might give up writing about nothing every week is troubling (and oddly relieving.)
And never winning the lottery? Ouch!
I now hope none of the above predictions turns out to be true, but does it take a genius seer to predict there will be no AODA progress in 2014?
Next: A Description Of What Packing To Move Is Like: Prepare For Whining
Victor Schwartzman contributes this weekly satiric column to Accessibility News nothing in these columns is true except what they are about. His graphic novel (where each chapter is one issue of a community newspaper) is serialized on the great Canadian lit site, http://www.redfez.net . He also contributes a monthly poetry review to the online magazine, Target Audience ( http://www.targetaudiencemagazine.com ), has had poetry and short fiction published (by someone else), and has edited novels.